I Don’t Want to Attach Any Labels on Myself
I used to believe that I don’t need people. Or communities. That one can be alone and still be content. I no longer believe that. I think our brains are hardwired to find a sense of belonging, a community, and we can’t be happy without that. And it can be hard. For me, finding people who were like me, who had the same interests, was hard. That’s why I guess, as a coping mechanism, I used to tell myself that I’m happier alone. But once you do find such people, you realize how much joy they bring to life.
I think this is also a reason why people enjoy things like sports, politics, etc. Because they give you a sense of belonging. You start belonging with other people who support your team, your political party, or whatever. That’s what religion also does, I believe. It gives you a group, a people you can identify with. And so the cycle of attaching labels begins: he’s X because he supports that team/leader/religion, I’m Y because I support this. And I think that’s fine. Everyone can’t like the same thing, and it’s only normal that there are different groups.
The problem then, in my opinion, arises when we make these labels a part of our identity. When we forget that the reason we supported them in the first place was because that particular thing resonated with us. It was always about our liking more than that thing itself. Until one day, it’s not. And it becomes more about the thing we supported rather than us simply liking it. I’ll give you an example.
I liked a show X because it spoke to me. I joined their fan base and was happy to discuss it with people who liked it as well. I felt a sense of belonging - that there are other people who like similar things as me. Then I come across show Y. But in my group, show Y is condemned. So there’s pressure to dislike it because I want to still continue feeling that sense of belonging to my group X. Things get worse when I feel the need to “defend” X and “attack” Y. When I can no longer look at Y with the understanding that it’s a different thing for a different audience, and that’s okay. When I feel the compulsion to prove that liking and supporting X is the best thing to do and anyone who doesn’t do that is an idiot. Obviously, this becomes more serious when it’s applied to more prominent things than shows.
So why is it so hard to be a neutral observer? Why do most people find it difficult to keep liking X while being okay with the understanding that other people might like other things? I think it comes from a place of not having a purpose or not being content with not having a purpose. And also a slight need to immortalize ourselves by feeling part of something bigger than us. I think we’re always looking for something to believe in, for things to make sense. For some people, believing in the fact that things won’t ever make sense (nihilism, absurdism, etc.) is a relief, but for most people, they need something more solid. And when they do find that thing, it becomes very hard to not make it a part of your identity. The most common examples that come to mind are nationalism and religion. And when it does become a part of your identity, and you encompass your entire existence around it, then how could you stand someone saying something bad about it? How can you not take that attack personally and not feel like you have to defend it and attack back?
I sometimes wonder what the world would look like if we were able to be content with our own choices without feeling the need to fight and defend them. I think it would be a much more peaceful place. And I think we as individuals can also be much more peaceful if we don’t take the burden of attacking and defending our choices and pick things based on our happiness and liking. I think attaching labels to ourselves (I’m X, I’m Y) not only means we’re setting our peace to be disturbed by the slightest of external factors but also clouds our judgment and fills us with preconceived notions. Don’t get me wrong here. Belonging to a group is one of the best things to experience. There are things I hold very dearly. But I still avoid attaching any labels to myself and try understanding the fact that there are other things which others hold dearly, and that’s totally okay :)