To be (ambitious), or not to be
I wish I could live multiple lives. Some days I just want to have enough to live in a cabin by the beach, read all day, play board games with my friends in the evenings, and spend my time appreciating the calmness of the ocean waves. Other days, I want the world. I want to move to Silicon Valley, work in big tech, start my own company, and be really, really successful[1]. How does one figure out what one truly wants?
I was talking about this very thing with a friend recently, and they said that it’s all about finding a balance—a right mixture of ambition and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. The perfect blend of working towards your goals and finding ample time for activities which might not contribute towards those goals but bring you joy. I don’t buy that argument.
I feel if you do that, that’s a “lose-lose”[2]. You guarantee not being super successful because you’re not putting in the hours, but you also don’t lead a life of complete enjoyment where you can look back and say to yourself, “I just read books all my life and had a great time.”
Balance doesn’t feel like a satisfactory answer…[3]
But then that begs the question: what do I pick? People say, pick what you enjoy, but here’s the problem—I enjoy both. But if I do both, it means I fall into the balance argument I mentioned above, and I end up in the middle. I don’t want to end up in the middle. I want to commit to one side of the spectrum. How can I be content with not living up to my potential and not trying my best? However, trying my best takes me away from living life: from hanging out with friends, from experiencing stories, from going on trips.
For now, I continue with the hope that the answer comes to me as I grow older. I shall post an update once I figure it out.
Footnotes:
[1]: By success in this blog, I mean the definition of success in a capitalistic society—having money, influence, etc.
[2]: Opposite of “win-win”.
[3]: …to me, right now.